You're My Survival, You're My Living Proof
by Vanilla Princess Baby
Summary: "Toby let out an audible gasp, his eyes growing big as saucers. 'Spencer,' His voice was shocked, like she'd just dropped a bomb on him, like she was a ghost or a terrorist. 'What. Happened.' He demanded, his eyes focused on her split open lower lip."


**AN: Okay, so I decided to use Nicholas Pennythistle from the books and his kids, Zack and Amelia. I didn't read Toxic(that's the one with him, right?) too thoroughly but I remember he beat up his son towards the end? So, this isn't that far fetched. But similarities end there. Zack and Amelia won't follow book characters(because I'm going to reuse them in a different prompt).**

**Anyway, the prompt for this was _"Spencer pulls an Ali in 3x23 in the flashback with Veronica and shows up to Toby's loft at night and has a bloody lip."_**

**And, you know, general disclaimer : I own nothing.**

_She had to get out of that house._

That was all Spencer could think as she pushed her feet up the stairs that led to the loft which she had spent countless hours with her boyfriend since he moved in. She knew this was insane. It was three thirty in the morning and not to mention cold, especially this time of year in Pennsylvania.

But she felt like she had no choice. She couldn't stay home. She couldn't stay inside that house. And she couldn't just show up to one of her friends' house and wake up their entire family.

Spencer shook her head, almost physically trying to push the events that led to her irrational decision out of her mind. "Toby," Spencer called frenziedly, banging on the door. She cursed at herself for forgetting the key he'd given her. She really wanted to get out of the open, where anyone lurking behind a dark corner could spot her. "Toby! Open up!" Spencer yelled, her demeanor uncharacteristically impatient-okay, not really-as she began to shove the door, willing it to open, feeling the metal lock rub against the wooden frame. "Toby!" She shouted again, her hands flailing in panic, her old habit of biting her nails in a moment of overpowering anxiety suddenly resurfacing.

A second after her voice screeched his name again, almost incoherent as her tone reached an all-time high in its raspy nature, he flung the door open, his expression one of life and death. "Spencer, what is it?" He asked frantically, grabbing her arm forcefully and yanking her into the entryway before sticking his head out and inspecting the stairway, looking for predators that would have his girlfriend at heart-attack level panic.

"No one's out there," Spencer informed dejectedly, bringing her hand up to her mouth to cover her uncomfortable expression when she realized what he was doing.

Slowly, as if thinking she'd just lost her mind, Toby closed his front door and locked it before turning to look at her. "Spence," His voice drew out slowly. "What's going on?"

Spencer couldn't look him in the eye, her vision settling for the floor as a focal point. She's the one who pounded on his door, basically trying to break and enter into his apartment and yet, now she wished she could disappear.

But Toby wasn't having it, not at this hour. "Spencer, what is it?" He asked again, his voice gaining the slightest edge. Spencer shrugged, swallowing a lump in her throat. "Spencer!" He groaned, closing the space gap between them. "Why are you here in the middle of the night, practically having a panic attack at my doorstep?" He asked, his voice growing softer as he gently placed his hand on her arm. "What happened?" He pleaded, his eyes boring into her's.

Blinking hard, Spencer prepared to give him a shortened version of tonight's events, planning on glazing over certain details. But when she removed her hand from its place over her mouth, she realized she'd overlooked one minor detail in her haste.

Toby let out an audible gasp, his eyes growing big as saucers. "Spencer," His voice was shocked, like she'd just dropped a bomb on him, like she was a ghost or a terrorist. "What. Happened." He demanded, his eyes focused on her split open lower lip.

Shaking her head, Spencer tried to appear cavalier. "I was in such a hurry to get over here, I must have snagged myself on a tree branch-"

"Bull," Toby stated, firmly. He grabbed the hand she was trying to bring up to cover her mouth once more. "Who did this to you?" His voice dripped with bile.

"Toby, it was nothing-"

"It wasn't nothing, Spencer! Somebody hit you and I want to know who!" He demanded again, his voice taking on a level of ferocity that was rare for him. Spencer had only seen him this upset a handful of times since they started dating.

"Nobody hit me-" Before she could spit the lie out, Toby was countering it.

"You're terrified, beating down my door at three in the morning with your face covered in blood and I'm supposed to believe-" He cut himself off, almost like he was seeing his girlfriend for the first time since she'd arrived. Taking a deep breath in, Toby shook his head, clearing his thought process. "And I'm not making it any better, am I?" He asked softly. Spencer evaded his eyes again, hoping he'd miss the moisture build up. "Come on," Toby placed his hand on her cheek, turning her face towards him, gentle as a lamb. "Let's get your face cleaned up and put some ice on it. That looks painful."

And in those two seconds, Spencer was reminded of exactly why she fell in love with Toby Cavanaugh.

X.

He told her to lie down in his bed while he got the ice. Toby seemed to somehow sense that she was a wreck. Maybe she was more obvious than she realized. Maybe she wasn't as good at masking her pain and fear as she prided herself on.

Spencer shook her head. No, it wasn't her. It was him. He seemed to sense anything and everything when it came to her. There were times when she would be out in the middle of the night, running an -A mission with the girls, even before he knew -A existed, and the next day Toby would complain he couldn't sleep the night before. They had a connection between them that almost felt telepathic. She knew when he was hurting before talking to him; he knew when she was scared without asking. They both provided what the other needed without even trying.

But, even a boyfriend like Toby couldn't fix her messed up home life.

As the last few hours came rushing back to her mind, Toby appeared in the doorway. "I told you to lay down, Spence. Not sit on the edge of the bed," He authoritatively teased, carrying a wet cloth and a bucket of ice in his arms.

"Sorry," Spencer mumbled as she scooted into a horizontal position, not in a joking mood at all.

Toby seemed to understand-of course, he always understood-and sat down on the edge of the mattress, by her head. "Does it hurt?" He asked smoothly, but Spencer knew him like the back of her hand and she heard the underlying edge present in his voice.

Unable to disguise her discomfort, Spencer nodded, swallowing hard. "It doesn't need stitches, does it?" She asked, her eyebrows suddenly furrowed in panic at the thought.

"No," Toby said after a second of inspecting the split in her lip. "But that doesn't make the person who did it any less wrong."

Spencer squeezed her eyes shut at his words. She knew he was right and yet, she really wished she could just convince him to drop it completely. "It was an accident," She murmured, hoping her features were neutral.

Toby sighed and dropped the wash cloth on the nightstand. "Spencer, could you please stop lying to me?" He snapped, his eyes setting on her's. "It's really old and I thought we were beyond that."

Spencer didn't speak for a minute, waiting for him to continue. When he didn't, she whimpered quietly. "I get that you want an answer but if you're angry, can you at least hand me the wash cloth to put on my mouth. It hurts."

Toby's hardened expression melted and he softly placed the wet rag back onto her lip, pressing very gently. "I'm not angry with _you_," He whispered softly, his other hand running through her hair, massaging her scalp. "I just-" He stuttered, his eyes starting to fill up. Spencer somehow knew though, it was out of anger and frustration, not sadness. "I can't stand the idea of someone smacking you hard enough to split your lip open. I want to beat _their_ face until its purple and black for it."

"Toby-"

"No, baby," He interrupted. "I went to reform school, remember? I know what it looks like when someone gets a black eye from a punch. I remember what it looks like when someone gets a bruise from a shove or a kick. I know what a red slap mark looks like. And I know what it looks like when you get smacked and it splits your lip open."

Spencer was quiet after that, staring up at the ceiling. She tried to stay silent, until she couldn't anymore and she felt herself unraveling. "Toby," She cried, feeling her emotions break through her facade and next thing she knew, she was a blubbering mess, unable to even understand what was coming out of her own mouth.

But he understood her. He always knew what she needed from him. Instantly, he was setting the wash cloth aside and wrapping his arms around her shoulders, pulling her head into where his neck met his shoulder. "Spencer," He whispered, peppering her hair with kisses.

She felt her mouth fall open in loud sobs, letting her lady-like standards for herself go and throwing all dignity aside. She allowed herself to let go of her emotions, knowing she would never feel this comfortable in anyone else's arms. Her loud cries gave way to disgusting noises she'd never heard her throat make before, her blood and snot and spit and tears all running together into Toby's shirt.

Spencer had no clue how long she cried out for, how long Toby held her in his arms, rocking her pacifyingly until she made the parting move and pulled back, sitting against the headboard.

"I'm sor-"

Before she could apologize, he was already cutting her off. "Spencer," He breathed her name in two syllables. "Crying isn't a crime," He laughed humorlessly. She always acted like it was the worst thing she could do.

"I meant for lying," She said quietly.

Toby hesitated before slowly reaching out and taking her hand, stroking her palm with his fingers. "I just-I need to know. Who would do this to you?" He pleaded, at complete loss.

He knew he should respect her privacy and wait for her to be comfortable enough to tell him but how could he just sit back and let her go back to that house when there was obviously someone violently dangerous lurking behind those picture perfect walls?

Was it her mother that had done this? The possibility seemed highly unlikely as Veronica's tough exterior was more rooted in tough love than anger. Peter was a different story. He was sneaky and commanding, and could be very aggressive, but it never occurred to Toby before to think of him being physically violent to his daughter. Melissa was probably the strongest possibility. Most siblings had physical fights every now and again and the Hastings' family pressure seemed to put a lot of tension between the two girls, though Toby had always privately assumed the two loved each other more than they were comfortable admitting.

Spencer's voice broke him out of his thoughts. "It was Nicholas," She whispered, her voice barely audible.

Nicholas? Toby had to wrack his brain to even connect the dots and figure out who she was talking about.

Veronica had started dating again, in some opinions too soon after filing for divorce from her husband of over twenty years. Spencer had come over to the loft, directly after meeting Nicholas and his two children, complaining to Toby that he was self-righteous and controlling, even just in the hour she had spent with him at the club. "Nicholas?" Toby repeated, his eyes widening as the anger set in.

This man had the audacity to charm his way into a woman's life, just weeks after her filing for permanent separation from her long time husband, and then hurt her child? Toby broke eye contact with a trembling Spencer, fire and rage coloring his vision.

This wasn't Toby. He was the calm one in the relationship. He was sensitive but he didn't let himself get stressed too often. He dealt with problems rationally. He ignored bullies until they got tired and left him alone. He did his job quietly and well. He was the one who massaged Spencer's shoulders while she panicked, he was the one who picked up the phone at four in the morning to talk her down, he was the one who made her relax and chill out, telling her whatever it was wasn't worth her anxiety or her fury.

It took a lot for Toby to feel like he did now. It took more than someone hurting him. It took someone hurting Spencer.

He pushed out a deep breath through his lips, his eyes still widened, his hands shaking. He thought he could handle hearing her say the name. He didn't know he was going to have to fight the urge to go in an all-out blind rage until he found Nicholas Pennythistle himself.

"Nicholas?" Toby asked again, his voice as harsh as his demeanor.

"You're mad," Spencer ejected, looking down at the comforter covering her lap.

Toby sighed, trying to push his emotions out of his head. This wasn't about him. This was about Spencer. Spencer, who'd do whatever it took to make him feel better whenever he'd been harmed.

But Toby knew in the back of his mind, that if someone had hurt him, Spencer would become a wildly defensive predator too. That was what they did. They protected each other, no matter what it took or how much it pained either one.

But getting angry right now would only make Spencer's burden that much heavier to carry.

"I'm just processing," He sighed, opening his arms. "Come here," He whispered, drawing her close.

She buried her head into his shoulder again, squeezing him like he was her lifeline in the middle of the ocean. "I'm so sorry," She whispered.

"Don't say sorry when you're the one hurt, baby," Toby whispered again, pressing his lips to her wet cheek, careful not to bump her mouth as it was still an open wound. "The only sorry person who is going to be sorry is Nicholas Pennythistle."

Spencer sniffled, blinking the remaining tears back. "Toby, please don't go after him. I don't want you anywhere near that guy," She murmured, her features contorting to panic. "Okay, just forget everythi-"

"_Forget_ everything?" Toby pushed her back slightly, the hard edge falling back into his tone. "Forget that this scumbag slapped my girlfriend and split her lip open? Yeah, that's exactly what I'm going to do."

"Toby, come on!" Spencer snapped, her stubborn fire rekindling.

"Spence, your mom isn't going to forget this either and you know it," He pointed out, feeling slight relief. There was no way Veronica wasn't going to give Nicholas hell for this, the hard-pressing, attorney mother she was.

"I can't tell my mom this-"

"Do you want me to then?" He pressed sharply, his voice still acidic. "Because there is no way you can just go home in the morning and pretend everything is all good. Besides," He touched the corner of her mouth very lightly. "Isn't this kind of noticeable?" Spencer's eyes adverted away from her boyfriend, clueing him in unintentionally. At that realization, Toby's tone dropped to a quieter note. "You aren't planning on ever telling her, are you? You're going to make up a lie?" He asked slowly, his voice on the edge of disappointed.

Spencer was used to hearing people's disappointment when they spoke to her. Her parents, her Nana, Melissa, her teachers. But never Toby. In fact, he was the one person she couldn't _stand_ disappointing. It nearly sent her to an all-out breakdown just thinking of the possibility.

"Toby," Her voice gaining a hysterical note, as she fought to make the words even coherent. "Please don't do this," She begged, reaching for his hands desperately as tears came racing down her face again. "Please don't make this any harder than it already is."

Though Toby's frustration hadn't disappeared and his opinion hadn't changed, how Spencer felt mattered more than anything else to him. He could see what he was saying was upsetting her more and more. He may not agree with her need to keep this away from her mom but he couldn't stand to see her this upset and shaken.

"Lie back," Toby whispered, gently pushing her backwards until her head touched the pillow, before running his hand through her hair again. "Don't stress out, alright? I'm not going to do anything you don't want me to do. You're my first priory. Whatever you want us to do, we'll do," He promised, leaning down to kiss the side of her face. "Just relax right now, Spencer. It's going to be okay."

Spencer shut her eyes, breathing deeply. "I'm sorry-"

"You don't owe me an apology," He stated softly. "You don't owe anyone an apology."

"But I do owe you an explanation," She countered.

Toby paused, shocked she was offering to tell him details. For years, he'd grown accustomed to her barely saying half the incident, jumping straight to the punchline, let alone her ever giving him a full account on what went down.

But Toby didn't want her to feel obligated, or add additional stress to her psyche, so he asked, "Are you sure you want to? I don't expect you to recount the entire thing right now."

But Spencer nodded. "I want to," She murmured, struggling for words before she continued again. "I want to tell someone what happened. . . . Someone I know will believe me."

He had to smile slightly at her words, despite the circumstances they were currently in, before pressing his lips to her forehead, lingering there. He had a way of making her feel safe and secure, no matter what else she had to face outside the door of his loft.

She hesitated, collecting herself before she began. "It started at dinner," She swallowed, her eyes training to the ceiling. "My mom had invited Nicholas and Zack and Amelia over. I tried to get out of it but every time I made up some excuse to leave, my mom kept on saying I was being rude-and she was glaring at me and shaking her head and I didn't know what to do!"

"Shhhh," Toby whispered, wiping the stray tears from her cheeks with his fingertips. "It's okay, Spence, just calm down," He soothed.

This was new for him. Spencer rarely cried in front of anyone and she rarely allowed anyone to see her this distraught. It was ingrained in her-probably from birth, knowing the Hastings-that she cover up any emotion that might make her seem. . . . _human_.

When she had reigned in her emotions enough, she swallowed hard again before continuing. "So anyway, to get her off my back I stayed and I sat through that God awful dinner. The entire time, Nicholas focused on how Melissa's achievements were so wonderful and he would, like, compare them to his kids and talk about how much the three of them had in common. Then all of a sudden, he turned the tables on me and asked 'So what are your plans for next year?' and I froze, because I'm just focusing on getting through the day without being killed or arrested and nowhere will even accept me and I have no freaking clue what I'm going to do," This time, she paused herself, bringing her finger to her forehead to calm down. Toby watched her pull herself together again, his eyes washed over with deep concern. "And then when I said I didn't know, he started lecturing me about not trying hard enough and slacking and then he brought up how apparently Zack, his stuck up, horn-dog son, has gotten into all the Ivy's and I was ready to leave the table but then my mom's phone started buzzing and she had to run to work to see a client and she told me and Melissa that we needed to stay there until she comes home and then as soon as she was gone, I felt Zack's foot coming in contact with my leg-"

"Why didn't you call me?" Toby asked, cutting her off. "I would have been there in minutes, I swear."

Spencer bypassed his interruption. "And then I jump up from the table and I'm ready to get out of there but then I hear Nicholas tell Amelia, his little spoiled brat of a daughter, 'Never act like that' and I lost it and I told him what I thought of him and his kids and then. . . . I don't know, it all snowballed and he hit me."

Though his demeanor felt more angry than consoling, Toby reflexively opened his arms as she finished her story, pulling her into the security of his hold. He knew her reasons for being upset stemmed from more than just being hit. It was about being made to feel like the black sheep, always. It was about feeling powerless against another person, in your own household, the place you're supposed to feel safe. It was about how she's always made to feel inferior to everyone else, always at the bottom of the food chain.

He'd spend the rest of his life making sure she never felt like this again.

"If you let me, I'll make him sorry," Toby whispered into her hair, not even close to joking, his tone lower and gruffer than she had ever heard. "I don't care if it's legal or not, I'll make sure he feels-"

"Toby," Spencer interrupted, pulling back and clearing her throat. "I can't let you go after Nicholas. You can't fight all my demons for me."

"I'll fight whatever hurts you," He whispered, placing his hands on either side of her face.

Spencer chuckled darkly, lying back against the pillows again. "And what do I tell my mother?"

"That her creep of a boyfriend assaulted her daughter and deserves whatever comes his way," He murmured, lying down next to her.

"Yeah, well unfortunately, she probably isn't going to want to hear that."

Toby shook his head at her words, raising his hand to gently trace her injured lip. "No mother in her right mind could justify anyone hurting her child," He whispered, quietly.

Spencer barely missed a beat before whispering, "Mine could."

Toby couldn't hold himself back, as the words slipped through her lips. He loved her so much and seeing her so low and broken made his heart shatter. He yanked her forcefully into his arms for the hundredth time, locking them around her frame, stretching his lips to kiss any part of her his head could reach. "No, baby, no. Veronica has done a lot of things wrong but she'd never allow someone to hurt you."

"She blamed me for Melissa and Wren's break up," Spencer whispered desperately into his skin. "She sided with Ian over me, she believed Melissa over me. I almost got murdered in the bell tower and she didn't bat an eye. She believed me to be capable of Alison's murder! She isn't going to believe me now, Toby. She really likes this guy. Maybe if it were Melissa," Spencer shrugged then trailed off.

Toby slipped his hand down the back of her shirt, rubbing circles onto her skin. "I'll tell her," He whispered, kissing the top of her head. "I'll talk to your mom _and_ your dad."

"They aren't going to listen, Tobes," Spencer promised him, completely defeated.

"I'll make them-"

"Toby, forget it," She cut off, sternly. "It's just how my family works."

Chills ran up his spine at her words. It took him minutes to figure out why. That is exactly what he said to her when he got fired from his first day on Sweeney Construction.

It's amazing how time has changed both of them, in such different ways.

"They only person I have is you," Spencer whispered after minutes of silence. "You're the only person I can trust. Even more than the girls." That admission was a rare one and Toby took it in all its severity. The girls never acknowledged the cracks beneath the exterior of their friendship.

Toby shut his eyes, breathing her in as he held her even closer-if that was possible. "I told you once and I'll tell you again. You're never alone. Not even for a second. No matter how crappy your family is or what happens. I'll always be here for you. You got that?"

Spencer nodded, her impaired mouth turning up into a smile. "I got it," She whispered, pressing her lips to the fabric of his t-shirt. "I'm so happy I found you," She added, almost as an afterthought.

"You're the best thing that ever walked into my life, Spencer," Toby whispered, his hand cradling her head. "I promise you, we'll get through this together."

Spencer nodded sleepily. "I guess we'll talk about what to do tomorrow after school."

Toby raised an eyebrow. "You're going to school?" He asked, smirking slightly at her.

Spencer returned his expression. "What else did you have in mind?"

"Well," He leaned in and kissed her, ignoring her damaged lip. "I was thinking, maybe, we'd lie in bed together and we'd," He leaned in and pressed his lips to her's again, "do some fun stuff."

Spencer's smirk grew bigger. "Like play Scrabble?" She asked, innocently.

Toby couldn't hold back his sudden laugh. "Nah, I figured we'd go crazy and try Monopoly."

Her giggle, light and cheerful, was all Toby ever wanted to hear. It was the best response he could ever elicit from her. It was music to his ears.

Spencer's laugh cut off after a moment, shaking her head, her eyes fixed on her boyfriend, conveying a message he didn't even know he could comprehend. "Thank you," She whispered, leaning in to press a kiss to his lips now before turning and kissing the corner of his mouth and then his cheek.

"For what?" He asked, breathlessly, as she moved to his jawline.

Pulling back slightly, she moved her mouth right above his ear. "For always being exactly what I need."


End file.
